Okay, bear with me for a second while I attempt to explain some political philosophy here:
In The Origin of the Family, Private Property, and the State, Frederich Engels explains that once private property (passed down paternally) became an important aspect of our society, monogamy immediately followed as a way for men to ensure that their property was inherited by their legitimate offspring. In the days before paternity tests, it couldn't be proven that a man's wife was bearing his-- and not the eligible bachelor down the street's-- children, so it was up to men to a) on an individual level, take complete control over their wives so as to ensure her loyalty, and b) on a social level, create an ideology in which female chastity is paramount. Engels even compares the subordinate position of the wife to that of the slave: in the same way that slaves were bought and made to do manual labor, women were "bought" and made to bear children.
Granted, this is a pretty grandiose theory with some holes in it, but I think Engels has a point. Even today, our culture contains traces of the outdated mode of marriage that Engels describes: women, much more often than men, are thought to be somehow "different" after they lose their virginity; male extramarital affairs are (arguably) fairly commonplace and are regarded as significantly less problematic than those of women; and most women still take their husband's last name, a practice that signifies patriarchal property ownership.
I'm not suggesting, by any means, that modern marriage is all property and slavery and female subordination. We've definitely come a long way from the society Engels describes, and we should all give ourselves a pat on the back for that. However, I think it's definitely worth noting that some of the rituals and beliefs surrounding monogamy still suggest that men are the ones who wear the proverbial "pants" in the relationship.
Even the fact that there are "pants" to be worn indicates that there is an expected imbalance in monogamous relationships: in other words, they are not exactly the equal partnership that they are made out to be.
I loved your use of Engels! (Yay Core 301) I think you bring up a good point about virginity and how that plays a role in the social "quality" of a woman. In the past, virginity has always been tied to monogamy and marriage. Now, when virginity is not as valued and as you put it "outdated", is the notion of monogamy outdated as well? I also liked how you talked about the imbalance between gender roles in monogamous relationships. In the past, there was a clear benefit for the man and less of a benefit for women. However, in our society, I do think the scales are evening up. I think both women and men benefit from being a monogamous relationship, especially when it comes to economic stability as the government provides special benefits for married couples.
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