A few months ago, we had a religious ceremony take place at our house. The priest who has been our family mentor and advisor presided at the ceremony. Afterwards, when everyone was eating dinner, he called my mom and me over, and said, "Before you were born, Shefali, I told your mom you'd be a boy." Naturally, I was confused. He proceeded to say, "Ok, you're confused, but have you ever felt like you spoke like a boy would? Or had instincts or reactions or thoughts that seemed masculine to you? I had a premonition that you'd be a boy, but you turned out to be a girl. I don't know whether or not you believe me, but you represent a strong combination of the two genders; you'll be able to do a lot with that."
Who knew I would be taking a CORE 112 with a focus on gender and feminism? :)
Anyway, his words disturbed me for a while. He was right. Sometimes my aggression, my style of speaking, mindset, and decision-making reflect a masculine quality as in its socially viewed form. I don't believe in premonitions or psychic ability, or religious awakening, but it was freaky how he knew so much about me. Furthermore, I respect that he viewed it as a positive thing to cross the boundaries of stiff male-female stigma. It made me think about these "butch" and "femme" categories. I don't really identify myself as falling into a category of any sort, but I do believe you are what you make yourself to be.
I really appreciate you for sharing the story of deciding not to be religious, I know it must have taken a lot of courage to stand against your mother's beliefs. It is really great that the priest was able to recognize that people are really two-dimensional. I think that a lot of times, people tell stories of intolerant religious people so it was really nice to hear a different angle. I don't really consider myself a very religious person, but one of the few things that I gained from my beliefs was similar to what you concluded with: I am what I make myself. I too do not feel as though I fall into any specific category and I'm so happy for that because it gives me the freedom to make decisions for myself, despite social pressure. Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteI like the way that you responded to this situation: in the end you don't use specific labels to categorize yourself but that you don't "[fall] into a category of any sort." But I think we all have a little bit of each "gender" in us, especially when we define masculine and feminine so broadly. The words you chose use to describe masculine--aggressive, decisive, your mindset--are so general that I believe women are just as likely to embody these adjectives as men. In our modern society, women have just as much freedom as men to exemplify these traits, because these words merely describe human attributes. I can completely relate to feeling slightly masculine, and I think that's a good thing. I think most women probably feel this way though, and we all just need to move in a direction of allowing people to be people, instead of being masculine or feminine.
ReplyDeleteMegan touched upon a good point. Just because you have masculine qualities does not necessarily make you a dude. I mean I can be sensitive, compassionate, and aesthetic at times. Hell I love to cook too! But that doesn't necessarily make me a woman. In today's society I feel like we can freely go about and explore ourselves to discover who we truly are. I definitely agree with your priest. With both masculine and feminine perks, you can accomplish a lot. Thank you for sharing!
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