Monogamy is a product of society and culture today. If we examine other time periods and cultures, we will be able to see that monogamous relationships were not always the standard. For example, King Henry VIII of England had six wives and cheated on all of them. But it was accepted and almost adultery was common during his time. Why? Because marriage was normally not based on love, but functioned as a social contract instead. If we look at polygamous Mormon relationships, we are able to see that polygamy is accepted because it is a part of fundamentalist Mormon culture and testament.
Monogamy is the ideal in America because the United States was founded upon strict Puritan morals. It grew even stronger in the 1950’s with the beginnings of a consumerist market where advertisements set the “ideal.” A woman and a man love each other and create a family, no extramarital affairs needed. And because dating is supposed to be a process where that prepares people for marriage, monogamy is expected in non-married couples too.
On a personal level, monogamy functions to protect ourselves. We have all fallen for the American dream; we were raised in its culture after all. If we fail to achieve that perfect marriage or monogamous relationship we feel like a failure. It hurts so much because we believe that monogamy is the norm and we are deviating from it and what is right. Why did he not love just me? Why was I not good enough? Cheating hurts the ego. Even the cheater might question why they cannot simply be happy with just one love? Why did they have to hurt someone else?
The largest problem with monogamy is that is puts relationships back into heteronormative categories. It creates stereotypes (the lonely housewife who sleeps with the pool boy, the jerk husband who falls for the younger woman) that make it hard for people to break from. Take for example the television show Friends. Ross and his wife try to have a threesome and his wife ends up falling in love with the other woman and leaving him. Why is the scenario so funny? Why is it used as a running joke on the show? Do you think that the audience would have laughed as much if she had just cheated on him with a man? Monogamy places restrictions on our gender and sexuality.
Great example with the FRIENDS tv show situation. I always found that so interesting; especially how they always go back to referring to it on the show. In that, it was definitely a dig on the show to Ross, like saying "haha sucks to be you". I definitely don't think the audience would have found the situation half as funny if it was a man... it would just be sad.
ReplyDeleteI really like how you gave sort of a history of monogamy... I love learning about new things from other friends, it makes learning way more interesting. :) I also agree with your point that monogamy sort of furthers the who heteronormative "norm" that the world seems to have, with its nuclear family and all. You did a great job of relating the larger picture as well as our own role in it!
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