Gender as a Spectrum

The subject of “gender” is a precarious and complex one to breach. Though many make the conscious choice to draw a distinct line between the masculine and feminine spheres--perhaps in a veiled attempt to secure their own gender identity or, in other words, to brush it aside as something that needs not be investigated--there exists an incontrovertible amount of “gray area” between the two extremes. Rather than seeing gender as a variable spectrum, people often choose to view it as a straightforward multiple-choice test of sorts: fill in the correct bubble, no questions asked.

Indeed, I think of gender, as well as sexuality, in terms of a spectrum: masculinity placed on one side and femininity on the other. The two peripheries of this range do not take anatomy into account, nor do they correspond with the so-called ‘average’ male or female persona. The archetypal ‘masculine’ and ‘feminine’ identities are engrained in our consciousness as two analogous opposites: the commanding, logical male and the sensitive, passionate female. Regardless of bodily composition, I believe we are free to exist at whichever end of the spectrum we choose.

The truth is, the pliability of gender makes even someone like me, who considers herself liberal and open-minded, uncomfortable. I am, and always have been, a girl. I played with Barbies in my youth; I wanted to become a ballerina when I grew up. (These sound like hackneyed cliches, but, I assure you, they are 100 percent true.) Perhaps in my formative years, the idea that I was supposed to be feminine was subversively belabored into my young mind, but for most of my life I have been absolutely certain that I am a bona fide female.

But then, what makes a ‘bona fide female’? Am I really what I have been told I am?

I wish there were an easy answer to this question--some survey I could fill out that would show me what category I fit into, if categories can even be said to exist in this instance. I am a girl, in that curves emerged on my body during puberty and I am easily swayed by my emotions. But I am also a boy, in that I have never been one to avoid confrontation and I am able to think in terms of logic when necessary. My identity, I believe, can be found somewhere between masculinity and femininity. Though I am proud to say that I am female, I would be hard-pressed to pronounce myself indubitably feminine.