Let's face it: kids don't know everything. While many of us have just escaped from the confines of childhood, its effects continue to loom over us like an upcoming CORE-112 essay. At a young age, many children just don't understand many aspects of the world - the unknown is something that is frightening. Unfortunately for me, I came under attack at a young age for my "unknown" difference.
Personal stories can be hard to share, especially ones concerning sex and gender. After all, they expose our deepest, hidden feelings to a rough and unkind world. However, despite the pain that they may cause, personal stories, when shared, can help us on the road to recovery. Here's mine:
When I was in elementary school, I went to a program called YMCA Before&After School. Basically, it was a way for kids whose parents worked early/late to drop off their kids early and pick up their kids late from school. As both of my parents work for city or county government, they were forced to enroll me in the program.
Now, it was supposed to be an enriching environment with YMCA counselors who play games with the kids, encourage them to grow in healthy ways, and help us with homework. In all reality, though, it was college kids doing their homework while us kids played tag in the school's gym.
When we're little, we don't know what gay is. We don't know what a lesbian is. In fact, we might not know what straight is. Those words don't carry any association with us because we don't understand the concept of sexual orientation or even sex. Children are, however, smarter than adults in that they can detect things that many adults cannot. Back then, I was gay. I'm still gay. The problem is, I didn't know I was gay. Big difference. And yet, despite us kids not knowing what gay is, we do know when someone is different.
Basically, I was shunned from doing anything the guys wanted to do because I was "too girly." Apparently, the other boys must have thought my gender was, for them, too similar to the girls in my actions and activities. I didn't understand, because at the time I was into all of the "little boy" hobbies: football, swimming, soccer, competitive acts, etc. Regardless, I was sent to the corner to hangout with the people drawing hearts on themselves in pen and making bracelets.
The worst was when they would call me "she-male." Really? They didn't even know what that means! And besides, it's not like I really considered myself a "she-male."
I went to the counselors for help. Obviously, they did absolutely nothing. So there was me, little Adam throughout his elementary school years, who had to learn the hard way that people can be incredibly ignorant.
As we grow older, we change. Many of the boys from back then ended up becoming my friends in high school, or at least became more accepting. I discovered who I was, and it wasn't a "she-male" - fortunately, I wasn't confused in my own gender. It may seem like an insignificant story because it happened so long ago, but when you're attacked for something you can't change at such a young age, it can affect you for the rest of your life. My confidence lacked as I was afraid to be me, I ended up having more friends that are girls, and I wanted to get out of Wisconsin as soon as possible. But in the end, it made me a better person: not only for preparing me for the real world, but for learning to accept anyone, regardless of their differences.
This is a powerful post. It is personal without being uncomfortable. You touched on a really interesting topic and made some fresh connections. We usually hear about discrimination from adults and teens. You put it very nicely when you said the reason for your mistreatment was an unknown difference.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for sharing your experiences with us. I agree. When we're young, we don't know how to apply labels or definitions to our fellow classmates. We just instinctively recognize when someone is different. Butler believes that the labels for gender and sexual preferences aren't naturally pre-ordained. The labels for gender have been created through performative acts that we've all been forced to carry out throughout history in order to "fit in". As a child, I learned that if I didn't "perform" my gender well enough to "fit in", I would be cast out by my own classmates. I have so much respect for you because you stood up for who you were and didn't let your peers pressure you into acting in ways that didn't fully represent who you really are.
ReplyDeleteAdam, I love that your post is not attacking the other kids, or lamenting about your sad experiences, or cursing the ignorance of the world around you. You state everything as it is--as a fact. You're absolutely right; kids do not understand much of what's going on around them. They do know when something is different, and based on what their parents might be teaching them (or lack thereof) about acceptance, they may or may not choose to embrace these differences. You, however, are you. That's the only way I can really put it. You don't identify solely as a gay individual. You're Adam from the 7th floor of Birnkrant, who attended YMCA, who loves football and making friends and shudders at the thought of impending assignments, just like everyone else. I love that you shared this experience with us, and I also like how you acknowledge its effect on you without having it destroy you.
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